Never Never Land
by Jaycee2
Summary: Alucard thinks about his mistakes. IxS, AxI, suggested AxS


Title: Never Never Land  
  
Author: Jaycee  
  
Rating: PG-13 (?)  
  
Pairing: IxS, suggested AxI, AxS  
  
Summary: Why Alucard turned Seras, and how it backfired on him.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing. I'm not entirely sure who does, but it's definitely not me. Kudos to who does, double kudos to the guy who thought it up, and triple kudos to those with pictures of Integral peppered all over their computers ^.^ Mmmm. Integral-sama.  
  
A/N: Not been beta'd, not in the least. I've only seen the anime, fan- subbed versions at that, so bear with me. And I don't want any complaints on how any of the characters names are spelled, y'hear? You all get the basic gist of it, anyway, so quit yer bellyachin' ^.^  
  
Feedback: I would be very much grateful if you would be so kind as to give me feedback on my humble attempt to write a Hellsing fic. Haven't done an anime-based fanfic in a while, so this'll be a new experience indeed ^.^ Or maybe I'll just get severe déjà vu.  
  
Etc.: There are some lines stolen from Episode 7, as well as some severe hinting to episode four. Again, I got this from fan-subbed versions, so I apologize for any discrepancies.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I wish I could say I hadn't been thinking. That it had been a rash decision on my part, ill thought through and a very big mistake. It would not make it no longer my fault, but it would hurt less.  
  
But when I had first seen those big blue eyes, staring at me in fear, I knew exactly what I was going to do, and my actions were all aimed to the purpose of what I had decided.  
  
I could have saved her without turning her. I am nothing if not an excellent marksman, and her head was smaller than his. If I had wanted to, I could have hit one side of his face, forcing it away from hers, and then pumped a shot directly in between his eyes. But I didn't, knowing that if I were to do that I would have no reason to turn her.  
  
Seras Victoria. In a way, she was exactly the opposite of my Master. She allowed her fear to rule her, she was rash, and she had problems following orders sometimes. She was struck with fear when faced with something so simple as ghouls.  
  
But those eyes. They reminded me so much of when I had first met my Master, full of stolen innocence. And in those eyes I saw the potential for her to become everything my Master could have become.  
  
So I changed her. I took the chance that she would refuse, and gave her the offer of my life, or no life. As I had known, instinctively, she accepted. And a part of me laughed so hard it split in two.  
  
I can't say the only reason I changed her was because of Seras' similarities, or lack thereof, to Integral. If it were, then I would not have made a mistake. But I did make a mistake.  
  
You would think that, having lived as long as I have, I would have learned that human's make poor mates for vampires. You'd think that I would have been able to resist the charms of one such as her.  
  
But even when my master was young, she was not naive. When she ordered me to her bed, barely sixteen years of age, I obeyed. Oh, I could have gotten out of it. A word to Walter, and it would have never been brought up again, and despite my being bound to obey her by the seal I would have freed myself. But I did not resist; why would I want to? My master is perfection, even in these eyes that have seen so much: death and rot, beauty and seduction. So I obeyed.  
  
Little did I know my Master, as I was soon to find out. For if my Master has a weakness, it is her desire, need for control. And her world, especially at that point, still so new to the world around her, was anything but controlled. You could say that, in a manner, I was the one thing in her life that was controlled. Despite my willfulness, I discovered that she found me predictable.  
  
My Master had, has, a penchant for showing that control. A gentleman does not kiss and tell, even though I am no gentleman. But her tastes were unusual when it came to bedtime sport. I tried to please her, as I found quickly that I enjoyed being her bed warmer. My own penchant, one for danger, was as equally fulfilled in the battlefield as it was when we would spend our nights together.  
  
But I could not be all that my Master wanted. Integral knew that despite the seal, despite my being predictable, I was not submissive enough for her tastes. To put it crudely, I was too willful in the sack for her to continue our dalliance for very long. She had no problem returning to celibacy, as I soon found out. I would have known if she had taken another lover.  
  
And despite my years, despite the many affairs I have had over the centuries, I found that her abandonment stung. I retaliated in the only way I knew, by doing my best to use my tongue as a weapon against her and to push against the restraints of the seal as best I could.  
  
Seras Victoria was the perfect choice. She was pushing the seal, and her presence would put a deviation into my Master's world. It made her blood taste all the sweeter.  
  
How could I have known?  
  
Three weeks later I entered my Master's office to badger her as usual. Something was different, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I had come to discuss her cold-bloodedness the night before, when she had let me drain the blood of the reporter. It took me a few minutes, but I finally realized what it was.  
  
My Master smelled different. She smelled of sex.  
  
I was in the middle of a particularly scathing comment when the revelation occurred, and I stumbled. Pretenses down, I stared at her, and those eyes of her looked back and knew exactly what I was thinking. And she smiled. That smile of hers, so faint most can only barely tell it is there, and it nearly drove me to madness.  
  
"That's enough for now, Alucard," she had said, and I could read the triumph in her eyes. "Dismissed."  
  
And although I wanted to throw her against her desk and demand who it was, and why it wasn't me, I couldn't. That last had been an order, and so I left.  
  
It took me longer than I find comfortable to realize who it was that had replaced me, although when I did I was only barely surprised.  
  
Standing there with my new gun pointed at that soulless Iscariot priest, fully intending on punishing for insulting my Master, the news came over the intercom. 'Looks like Tiger Lily will get caught by Captain Hook.'  
  
And my Master had whirled upon Maxwell, severely restrained disbelief on her face. She had hissed at him 'Maxwell, you?' Her body sang with tension, and I could feel, sense, the psychic scream going on in her mind. She understood this conversation, although I was missing some vital part.  
  
'Shouldn't you hurry, Wendy?' he had asked her. The priest had smiled as Alucard's gun had slipped to the side. 'This time will be your downfall for sure.'  
  
She had glared at him for a moment longer, then whirled around, her hair flying behind her as if it rode some wild wind for a brief moment, and she stalked away. I knew that something was deathly wrong, for I could hear her agony in my mind like a bullet through my brain.  
  
Just a few sentences later I realized what was going on. At first, I felt only glee. I would get a rematch with that damned regenerator. It was only afterwards, when I was on my way to intervene between Anderson and Seras, that I wondered why Wendy would feel such pain for the loss of Tiger Lily.  
  
When I arrived, I was barely in time to stop Seras from being impaled in the head by another one of those damn multiplying knives. The battle ensued, and I have to admit it was one of the more enjoyable experiences in my more recent years. It was only afterwards, when I was replaying the moments in my head, that it came to me. I may not have been able to use my head while it was severed from my body, but it could use itself. It remembered every smell, taste, touch, and sound while being carried in Seras' arms. And underneath the blood and the fear that she exuded, there was one very distinguishable scent.  
  
Integral. My Master.  
  
I was sorely tempted to kill her then and there. It would be an understatement that my plan had backfired horribly.  
  
Perhaps it is her willingness to die for Integral that makes Seras so appealing. Maybe it is her submissiveness to the forbidding woman. Possibly it is her femininity that brings her to my Master's bed.  
  
It is something I don't, can't, have, whatever it is.  
  
It seems instead of Peter Pan and Wendy, or even Peter Pan and Tiger Lily, the heroines would find comfort in each other instead. 


End file.
